The last 2 days have been extremely difficult and I have broken down several times (like full on ugly-cry). Connor has been very angry, aggressive & negative lately. There is nothing I can do that pleases him and nothing very obvious to me to trigger the outbursts. Sunday night he had an hour long “melt down” (crying, screaming, hitting, biting, kicking, etc.) that I feared was never going to end.
I kept trying to deny this behavior while we were away in Disneyland because I didn’t want to believe that our trip was a total waste of time & money. But thinking back he started with the extremely negative behavior early last week & it continued on our trip.
During the day while I’m dealing with the outbursts and the negative behavior I am really frustrated. It’s hard to have a conversation with him or play with him because he’s always screaming “No!” or “Stop that!” to anything I say to him. For example, he will tell me he wants a snack so I’ll open the pantry & offer him a few of his regular snacks and immediately he yells at me “No!” but whatever I’m offering him is what he actually wants. These are the moments that are the most difficult to understand. I’m offering him what he wants, why can’t he just take it & say thank you? I get so angry and filled with frustration and I honestly don’t know how I will make it through the day with him. It is so exhausting trying to keep up with his moods and to feel like I am walking on eggshells around him. I don’t want to say something the wrong way to set him off. Also, the usual punishment is no longer working but instead keeps the meltdowns & angry, aggressive behavior going.
At night when I’m alone & thinking back on the day, my heart is filled with such sadness. I wonder why my sweet little boy is so angry. Why is he so quick to yell at me (or Abe, or Noah, or anyone who speaks to him)? Why doesn’t he enjoy playing with Noah and actually seem to seek out hurting him? What is going to happen when he is older and stronger? How will I manage him then? Will he have friends? Is he going to be a trouble maker for his teachers?
I’m going to make an appointment with his developmental pediatrician and I am hoping she has some answers for me.
In the meantime, I’m just asking for prayers. I pray that God will guide us to the right people/services to continue helping Connor. I pray that God will give me the patience I need to get through the hard days.
Renae
Hun you should give Cheyenne a little holler. She deals with all sorts of different personalities at school for such a long time and maybe has some suggestions for ya. She would love to help you. I’m sure she would even love for you to go over there and jordy could help with Noah. She’s a great helper 🙂 I always pray for ya and hope things get easier. Keep you head up. You’re doing great.
Thanks Mal. Thats a good idea. I’ll have to get in touch with her. I’d love to see your family. It’s definitely been too long. Bummed we didn’t get a chance to meet up in California. Next time, for sure!