Let me tell you, writing the title of this post is painful. It’s been hard to accept that my sweet boy has to see a psychologist.
It’s been really frustrating to get to this point because there are so few people in the state of Arizona who are not only child psychologists, but who are child psychologists that treat preschool age (not just 8-18 like most of them). Then once we find one, we have to make sure they take our insurance AND are accepting new patients. This process left me feeling like there was no one out there who wanted to help us. I’m calling a child psychologist…obviously things are that bad and I’m desperate for help. It’s not like I am calling because he is sad once in a while…It’s because we have tried absolutely everything & need professional help NOW. It’s such a heart breaking feeling to get rejected by each one of them. I almost feel like turning someone down who is seeking mental health services should be illegal or something.
Our developmental pediatrician that Connor sees every 3 months suggested we see the psychologist that works in her office. The down side, they don’t accept any insurance plans and charge $160 a visit. But whatever. At this point, I would pay anything to help my son.
Today was just one of two “intake” appointments. She had already read Connor’s file and was familiar with what was going on at home. I just updated her on the past three weeks and told her some of the techniques we have already tried with Connor during a meltdown. I was able to express my concerns for the future and she confirmed that they are valid concerns. She briefly discussed some techniques we will try with him and showed me some things we can do right now to help him learn to self-soothe during anxious times.
I really liked her and I feel like she is a good addition to the team. She said she feels optimistic that by teaching Connor tools to deal with his aggression & anger that he will be successful in school and at home.
Thank you all so much for your sweet comments, emails, phone calls, and prayers!
It means so much to me to know that people are reading my blog and praying for Connor.
Keep it up babe! You’re doing great by Connor and he will get the help he needs! Remember we are all here for you and your family!
thanks mom 🙂
We will keep praying for Connor and your entire family. I work inpatient psych at PCH and I know first hand how broken our mental health system is. Connor is lucky to have you for a momma Renae cause you won’t back down!
Thanks Amy.
I appreciate all your thoughts & prayers.
I pray we never have to visit you at work 😉
It’s Amy Hammond … I forgot to put my name… Looks weird saying ” anonymous”
renae one thing i would suggest is to readjust your perspective of psychology in general. having to ‘admit’ that your loved one has to ‘see a psychologist’ is certainly not some type of defeat or admission of failure. ‘having to see a psychologist’ does not imply an inferior person or parent. its really no different than another mother admitting she ‘had to see a pediatrician’ because her daughter had strep throat. doctors are experts in physiology and medicine, counselors in psychology and behavior. your viewpoint is actually quite common in the usa, but its very incorrect and unhealthy. if connor needed help playing piano you’d take him to a pianist. if he needs help with behavior and thinking patterns you take him to a psychologist. good luck. let me know how things go.
Aug,
So true! It’s not that I’m ashamed to admit it or think that it’s a bad thing. It’s not hard to admit it because I feel like seeing a psychologist is a sign of weakness. That hard part for me is that he is three! I never would have guessed that a child could struggle with anger, anxiety, & aggression at such a young age. I feel like this is such a sweet & innocent time in his life and seeing a psychologist is some serious stuff.
I totally support psychologist or anyone who can help mental illnesses. I also believe in therapy and think it is a great resource out there for people struggling. Even when people aren’t struggling!
Not sure if you know, but back in October I was put on Zoloft for depression. If i had more time in my day, I think I could really benefit from some extra “help” too.
Thanks for reading my blog and always checking up on C. He’s got great Uncles!
ok, thanks for the clarification renae. i guess as long as a human being has the capacity to think adn behave, there is a potential for an imbalance in the way its suppposed to work. what’s really important is not to beat yourself up or succumb to despair over the situation. although connor having behavioral issues is not good news, the fact that you’re actively working to address them in the most appropriate and helpful way is actually great news. this is such an important time of his life, and every bit of help you give him will benefit just about every capacity of his life in the future. keep up the good work, and lift your own spirits too. you’re a great mom, and connor will be so thankful in the future for your efforts.
I saw your link from Cari’s facebook page and thought I should comment as I too have a 6yr old son who had gone through behavioral issues since the age of 2-3. He would form a brick wall when he would get mad and not show any emotion, he’s gone through physical and verbal stages as well as many scary incidences at school. We started seeing a counsel last August who think he may have ADHD but the psychologist is the next step to diagnose it. He’s made several great improvements from me figuring out some of his triggers which were sensitivity to noise and raising my voice or being stern. So how I address the issue has calmed him down and learned to trust and talk to me more; We recently started seeing naturalist who is $100 per session but his ancient chinese and energy philosophy has helped a lot. We are going to work on bringing out his energy and emotions in the next few sessions and see if it helps with his behavior. NAturalists try to fix the problem and not give long term medications or herbs. I too am seeing the naturalist and he discovered a large deficiency with B12 which was causing my neuro symptoms so i completely trust him. I had my labs tested professionally to see if it were true and it was. I know their theories are crazy but it’s amazing how it works. I’m not sure how hard it is to find someone you think actually knows what they’re doing though. My nephew who has similar symptoms but much worse has food allergies that tend to cause some of his symptoms and had a crazy improvement since they’ve gotten that under control.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read about Connor. It’s always nice to hear others thoughts and what has worked for them, too! I definitely believe the food he eats could be a trigger. I hope you get the answers you’re looking for for your son as well!
Hi Renae, I saw your link on Cari’s page as well and wanted to give you some words of encouragement as I also have a five year old daughter that we’ve had a lot of similar issues as the ones I’ve read about on your posts. First off, you need to applaud yourself for recognizing Connor needs help and doing the hard work in figuring out how to get him that help. I can empathize as we live in an isolated area of western Colorado and the closest specialists are over six hours away in Denver. Our insurance is horrible so we pay for everything out of pocket, and because we can’t afford the 10 thousand dollars to get her diagnosed over at Children’s Hospital in Denver no specialists on our side of the mountain will see her without a diagnosis. I have poured all of my energies into getting her involved with anything that I believe will help her based on my own research. She was evaluated by a state program through the school district just before turning 2, and the psychologist identified her with anxiety. I began noticing her triggers and started figuring out how to better prepare her for things before they happened and found that visual aids really relieved a lot of her symptoms as being able to see things gave her a sense of what was going to happen each day. I also read a book titled ‘Love and Logic’ that assisted me in some of my parenting techniques that I highly recommend. In addition to her anxiety, she has a lot of developmental delays and sensory issues that have taken a long time for me to identify and understand. I don’t believe in labels and each child is special and has unique abilities that need time to develop and identify. I had also read about horse therapy (hippatherapy), and all of the benefits associated with it for children like my daughter. I contacted the one group in our area that offered it, but without a diagnosis they wouldn’t even talk to me, so I decided to buy our own. We got him when she was about 2 1/2 and the changes have been immeasurable! I grew up with horses so it was a little easier for me than for someone who has no background with them, but if buying a horse isn’t an option, ask the psychologist about getting a prescription for horse therapy. They are different from dogs in the sense that they have a very calming presence and just seem to know how to soothe people with their ability to connect with them. My daughter started at the public school in Kindergarten this year after years of moving forward and overcoming different obstacles, but all of the anxiety and meltdowns that we hadn’t seen in over 18 months all came back and were much worse than they had ever been before. She has an IEP (individualized education plan) but we weren’t getting the assistance she needed and it felt like nobody was listening to me since she would hold it together at school, but then fall apart for me at home. I decided after six weeks that I wouldn’t do it anymore so I made the decision to homeschool through a program we have in our county that still enables us to be part of a state sanctioned program, which is important especially for her socialization. She is doing extraordinary now, and although we have daily struggles, I have accepted this journey as a positive one, and one that is showing me just how much strength and love I have inside to take on whatever comes my way, I see that same strength and love in you and believe that you are going to figure this out and Connor is going to overcome the current problems he’s been experiencing. Lean on your support system and know that everything you’re doing now is going to pay off down the road.
Don’t worry about what people think, just focus on what you have to do for Connor. He is a very lucky boy to have such a wonderful mom. Believe in yourself and the strength that you have.
One last thing: You may have a head full of doubt, but always remember you have a road full of promise.
I love this! So, so true! Thanks for sharing.
Wow. Thank you so much for your sweet comment. It means so much to me to know people are reading my blog and taking the time to give support. It’s really encouraging to hear about your daughter. I’m sure you now how frustrating it can be dealing with meltdowns all the time. But as you know, as their mothers we are the best advocates for them and have to keep fighting. I pray it gets easier but have also accepted this is our life with Connor. Keep me updated on your daughter! I’d love to hear more!
You are not alone! Keep up the good work advocating for your son in the face of challenging times. And remember your son’s love for you even when his behaviors are difficult and keep hope for better days. Jesus grace and peace be with you and your family.
Thanks Anna. Thankfully we have had several really good days which really help remind me how sweet my boy is!