So let me start out by telling you…this is a crazy long post. I think it will be best to break this topic into a few posts but still, its long! You have been warned! 😉
Connor is the reason why I wanted to start this blog in the first place. We have been struggling with his behavior for quite some time and as we are making some progress I wanted to be able to document it. Hopefully it helps someone else but if not, I’m happy to have this blog to look back at to see our progress.
Around the time Connor was 9 months old I quit my part-time job at the hospital to be a full-time stay at home mom. My husband works somewhat long hours so most of Connors day is spent with just me and now Noah. The last 2 years with Connor have been extremely difficult for one main reason—he is very very aggressive.
It started around 13 months when he would bang his head onto a hard surface when he was upset. There were many times when he had done it so hard he left a giant purple bruise right in the middle of his forehead.
I remember one time in particular when I was trying to put him down for the night. He was so overly tired that he was fighting bed time. There was nothing I could do to calm him down so I just put him in his crib to cry it out. He started to bang his head against his crib rails so hard that I could hear it all the way downstairs. I was totally freaked out by this behavior so of course I asked our pediatrician, other mom friends and trusty google. All of my sources said the same thing, “It’s a phase. He will grow out of it. Just keep him safe while he does it.” Uh, ok…how exactly do I keep him safe during these “fits”?
Well, it turns out our sources were right, he did grow out of it after several long, heartbreaking months. But then came the next concerning behavior. Whenever someone would come close to Connor (to talk to him, tickle him, etc.) He would pinch/scratch/get a death grip on their face. Let me tell you…this was so painful!!! There were many times when my husband and I both had crazy scratch marks on our face from upsetting Connor some how. This became even more concerning when he started doing this to other kids. Most of the time he would “attack” other kids for what seemed to be absolutely no reason at all. I left many play-dates in tears (and totally embarrassed) wondering why my son didn’t want to play nicely like all of the other kids. One time recently we walked into a church event after it had already started. Everyone was already sitting down to eat but walked over to greet us. Connor got so anxious from people coming up to him that he hit me in the face several times. Not only is this physically painful, heartbreaking to know my son is feeling anxious about people walking up to him, but its also so embarrassing to hear the entire room gasp as my son smacks me right in the face. Again tho, all of our sources said this was normal behavior for kids. I knew in my heart, this was NOT normal behavior.
After two years of this anger and aggression we have made a little bit of progress. I started by bringing Connor to a new pediatrician. Thankfully our wonderful pediatrician is familiar with our situation with Connor because she has a difficult child of her own. She was able to help me begin this {crazy long} journey by first confirming what I’ve been saying all along…this is not “normal” behavior for a 3 year old (or anyone, really). She suggested that we see a Developmental Pediatrician and a Child Psychologist. I left the office feeling pretty hopeful that we were going to get some answers and tips on how to help Connor. That quickly faded when I made an appointment for Connor with a Developmental Pediatrician at The Melmed Center and the earliest appointment was SIX MONTHS away! Uh, what?! I need help now! I can’t wait six months! Luckily (and only by Gods grace) we were able to get an appointment much, much sooner because of a cancellation. Thank you God! I was in desperate need for answers and was so relieved to get an earlier appointment.
In my next post I’ll talk about our first visit to The Melmed Center, Connors Developmental Preschool Evaluation, and where we are today!
Thanks for reading and I’ll talk to you all soon!
-Renae
